IZW Presents: CoolTown Clash
The 2nd installment of Wrestling Show coverage by a non-wrestling attendee.
First of all, no one knows where Coolidge, Arizona is. It is a tiny, tiny town south and a little East of Phoenix. With road closures and construction it took a little over 90 minutes to get to the Coolidge Youth Center where Saturday’s special event IZW show is being held. As the trip was so long and Greg didn't have to arrive as early as he normally does, we decided to drive together. I drove and he spent the time learning how to be as good of a navigator as I am and messaging people as there are always a million questions on a show day.
We arrived in Coolidge around 3:15, I dropped Greg off and went in search of Starbucks, my ultimate must have to get through long days. The closest free standing Starbucks was 30 minutes away, so I settled for just grabbing one at the local grocery store and heading back to the Youth Center. I’m glad I did. As soon as I got back, Greg tells me he’s hungry and it was determined that ice was needed for the water for the wrestlers, so back to the grocery store I go.
On a side note, I love reading play by plays of events. It’s just one of those things that interests me. I like the detail and it’s like I can experience it without having the ability to actually be there. That is how I write these articles, so I hope others like it as well. If not, you might want to stop reading.
Doors open at 5:00, and it’s currently 4:48. Greg set me up with a perfect table in the back of the gym so I can see everything, but not have to interact with everyone. I’m also in charge of selling t-shirts that we have had in our house for over two years. I look at it as my cover for having a legit reason for sitting back here, since I have no desire to actually try to sell anything. Naturally after Greg got frustrated with me over the t-shirt display I had and his fixing it, I immediately sold two shirts. Ugh….I immediately sent him the “I hate you” text.
I’ve never even heard of this brand before until we got these shirts, but apparently it’s a popular brand. Not my thing, but no judgment from me.
Alrighty, 5:43, and we are possibly going to have a match? Yep, music just started. Let’s see, I think his name is J Smooth. It would make sense, he’s looking pretty fly in his white fur. His opponent is from Finland, but is already getting booed. Really!?!? Do people know him or just pick him to be the bad guy? He’s wearing a red onesie and his name is Maestro. I agree with the crowd though, even though I enjoy Finland's accent when talking to Smooth.
Wrestling trivia, did you know that every time they throw a punch they stomp the ground to make it sound much more dramatic than it actually is? Trade secret right there.
Back to the match….Smooth made a big slam and of course asked the crowd to cheer. Someone starts the USA cheer when Finland starts to get the upper hand. We are seeing lots of two counts, Smooth jumped at Finland, but got caught in the air and slammed to the ground. Smooth was finally able to roll Finland up and get the pin.
Now, while we wait for the official show to start, I will enjoy the music the DJ is playing - “Walk This Way”; “Don’t Stop Believin’”, but I just want to point out that it is 6:04, and we haven’t started yet. Just shows that when doing a live show things happen… but as I type the ring announcers are heading to the ring.
Ooooooh… we are starting with an 8 man tag match! That means two teams of 4 for you non-wrestling fans.
EJ Sparks! Shiny blue sparkly pants with matching beads in his hair and his partners - missed their names so we are calling them blue vest guys and their final partner - The Green Beret (Roman)...I like this team.
OMG It’s my favorite group. The Black Pants Guys!!!! I now know that they are really called Lights Camera Faction. I like this team better, even though they are the bad guys.
Here we go…. The blank pants guy in the ring to start must be called ICE because that’s what’s written across his butt. He’s up against Sparks. Didn’t take long for the “You suck” chants to start. The teams are tagging each other in all the time, apparently no one likes getting beat up because it doesn't seem like anyone is in the ring longer than 30 seconds. There is a 10 minute limit to the match. Oh my, all the black pants get in and start stomping on one of the blue vest guys. Now they are all running around bouncing off the ropes and doing elbow drops on the poor guy.
Ice and Sparks battled for 30 seconds, I’d like to see them wrestle more. GO SPARKS… he is single handedly taking all the black pants guys down. But he tapped back out almost immediately. Ouch… a punch below the belt. That’s a low blow. But BLACK PANTS win!!!!
Lucha Libre showcase match! That means flippy guys! I like flippy guys! First wrestler is Gino! Gino is quite the funny guy. He once again carries his flag of Puerto Rico. and has fringe on his shorts. Not sure about the sunglasses though. HIs opponent is a green mask guy, Agular? Not sure, so I’m going to call him the mask.
Gino demands silence to take off his lined jean jacket. I will say that he’s a great actor. Gino gets knocked out of the ring and then starts making the motion for a time out. He gets pushed back into the ring only to roll to the other side and roll back out. But he gets an advantage and everyone ends up back in the ring. The Mask almost pins Gino after doing a back roll flip type thing over the rope and onto Gino.
90 seconds remain in the match…………
One minute remains………
30 seconds remain……….
Not good… the whole show is on a tight schedule. But The Mask is finally able to pin Gino. Gino precedes to act like a baby and throw a full out temper tantrum in the ring and his manager begins yelling at everyone for running their mouths. The guy, Pete the Heat, acting as Gino’s manager is a perfect partner. They are both over the top, funny, and are really good at selling their characters.
Apparently, there is a hometown hero, Isaac, who Gino is supposed to have a boxing match against tonight as part of the show. Isaac comes out and Gino goes OFF. LOL.. Gino will probably get his but kicked by little Isaac who looks like he’s 18. We are here on behalf of the boxing school that is held in the building, so I’m glad to see some of the students having this opportunity.
I guess we are now doing a talk show. What the heck am I attending… However J Smooth is back out for his show Smooth Talk. He comes out all draped in his white fur again. He welcomes Mr. Classic who is challenging for the World Championship belt. The crowd begins to chant for Thug (the current champ). Naturally, a little while into the interview, Thug’s music starts playing and Thug comes out. I love me some Thug! To be completely honest, I didn’t really listen to any of the interview, but it’s over so here we go back to matches. I learned after the show that this was just to make sure the audience knew who was the good guy and who was the bad guy before the match happened.
I got distracted by someone asking about a t-shirt, but there is currently a girl in the ring ready to box. Obviously, she’s from the boxing school. She’s in red and her opponent in blue just entered the ring. Red girl is introduced, but I have no idea what her name is and as blue girl is introduced I still can’t understand her name. I know even less about boxing than I do about wrestling, but red girl seems a little more aggressive. On a side note, my grandfather LOVED boxing, he would always watch it on TV.
Two rounds done. I’m thinking there are three. Love the fact that the crowd is so supportive of these girls. What fun for them! Of course, it’s either coach or dad off to the side of the ring giving advice. End of round 3. Both girls celebrated, and are presented with framed copies of their flier for the event. So cute! I guess they are both winners.
New match, first guy is named Jacob. That’s all I got out of the introduction, but his boots look like bumblebees! Second guy has cool music and turns out to be Graves. I’ve seen him wrestle before. He’s probably going to win, and loves to chant “war.” Bumblebee is just slapping Graves over and over on the chest as Graves just takes it. Impressively, Graves flips Bumblebee backwards over him and Bumblebee lands on his feet. This is a very nimble bumblebee.
One minute remains…..
30 seconds remain….
Graves puts Bumblebee in a chokehold…. The bell rings and ends in a draw because time expired. Crowd boos and chants for “5 more minutes”. Poor Greg and his perfect schedule of events for the night. Graves pulls Bumblebee up and raises their hands together. But, after waiting a minute, they begin to exit the ring. I should ask Greg if that was how the match was supposed to end.
The IZW commissioner comes out to the ring. Again, I got distracted because the t-shirt guy came back and bought a shirt. But Crazy Hot Morgan is now in the ring. You go girl! She’s such a great person. Ah, Morgan’s daughter has recently joined the boxing team that is housed here. She goes on to say that her husband, the Navajo Warrior, started at this gym 30 years ago! However, as Morgan goes to leave, the music starts and some big dude walks out with a little dude.
Apparently this is Final Destination. As bad guys get a mic and naturally begin to bash Morgan, her daughter and Coolidge. However, the music starts again and Navajo and the Hawaiian Lion emerge to tremendous cheers. Wisely, Final Destination jumps out of the ring. But, they will get back in as this is the start of a tag team match. Hawaiian Lion is retiring next month and this is his final tag team match with Nav.
It’s always a fun match when Nav and Lion are together. They are just so good and can really get the crowd going. This is a big match, and they aren’t supposed to announce the time remaining.
The cutest thing was this little girl, probably around four, coming to me to ask how much the toys at the next table were. She ended up buying a light up unicorn cat ear headband. She had the biggest smile and was so proud of herself, and her mom is taking selfies with her wearing it. I clearly get distracted away from wrestling very easily.
Back to the match. Guess what? They are still wrestling. Morgan got involved and was thrown out of the ring. In all the confusion Final Destination got a pin to win. But they continue to try to beat each other up. Crowd boos as FD is announced winners, but cheers at Nav and Lion destroy them. Morgan comes back into the ring to raise their arms.
Intermission time! All I want to do at the moment is to visit the Taco truck outside, but alas I can’t leave the t-shirt table.
One of the many things I love about small towns is the sense of community. During the intermission the DJ is playing some fun music and there is a group of kids with two other teenagers who are at least I would say 17 having a dance party. It was so fun to see them wave other kids over to join them.
The worst was when a guy came over and asked me about the t-shirts. I don’t know anything about the brand so I felt like an idiot. Lol. He didn’t buy anything. This is why I don’t work in retail. But, The Black Pants guys came out and they are so freaking fun to watch as they engage with the crowd.
I’m ready to wrap this up. We are finally back from intermission. Apparently there was a raffle, so they are announcing the winner of signed boxing gloves. Winner, winner chicken dinner.
Apparently we are starting with a special event… boxer vs wrestler. And here comes Gino to massive boos. Out comes Isaac led by all the local kids that were at the show dancing and clapping. Gino is already running scared. Isaac gets in the ring and Gino rolls out of it. No way Gino is winning this match.
Gino is so good at being his character and really making Isaac look like a hero to his hometown.
End of round 1…..
Gino tries to take advantage by grabbing Isaac in a big hug, of course it doesn’t work and before you know it Gino is on the floor outside the ring. Isaac has taken off the boxing gloves. Things are getting serious as Isaac jumps out of the ring and chases Gion around it. His coaches take Isaac's shirt off for him and he reenters the ring. Gino gets some good hits in and there is some nice rolling around flips as round 2 ends. Pretty impressive that Isaac, with no wrestling background, did some impressive tricks.
Round 3 finds Isaac standing on the top rope, crowd goes crazy as he jumps and takes down Gino. I’m liking the spunk of this kid. And he pins Gino to a standing ovation!
I missed the entire next match because I had to get my Carne Asada street tacos. Priorities. I thought I’d have more time since there were massive celebrations surrounding Isaac.
But it seems like we are on to the final match of the night. I missed Mr. Classic being introduced because someone was buying some shirts. As long as I don’t miss Thug, I’m good. Thug is in the house!!!!
This match has a 60 minute limit, Ha. Really? There’s no way it’s going that long. It was more believable when I thought the ring announcer had said it was a 16 minute time limit for the world heavyweight championship. Everyone loves Thug! Match starts, and it’s a bunch of nothing for a while. Thug has a great flip off the ropes and can do a pretty awesome toe touch. Cheerleaders around the world should be jealous. However, it’s Mr. Classic who is dominating the match at this point.
They alternate attempts at pinning each other.
Surprise! Not really, but Thug wins and retains his title. Clearly, Mr. Classic isn’t happy about the loss because he continues to attack Thug and then as he leaves he throws things. Once Classic is gone, Thug gets his chants from the crowd before he grabs the mic.
He wraps up the night and sends everyone home.
Show over!!!! In the end, I sold seven t-shirts. Not too bad for having no clue what I was doing. I did have someone ask if he could buy the wooden bin that held the shirts. No sir, you cannot. Another guy told me “those aren’t wrestling.” Yep, that is correct sir. Another guy earlier asked me what they were. My response, “These are t-shirts.” He looked at me so I clarified by including the brand name.
Next up is King of the Jungle on May 7. Same weekend as a lifeguard class my son wants to take, Soccer tryouts, and my daughter’s dance competition. I probably won’t even make an appearance.
Until next time, non-wrestling fans!.
Lessons Learned:
I’m not great at retail.
I will never be be a wrestling fan, but I am a Greg DeMarco fan, so I will continue attending. We did laugh on the drive home that when we got married he wasn’t do all these things. I accused him of false advertising.
Communities, especially small communities, need events and activities like the boxing school to help keep kids out of trouble and to unify everyone.
Did you know that I also REALLY love books?
Brand New Website for book lovers: www.tinyurl.com/desertbookshelf It has links to my podcast Speaking LITerally, book reviews, breaking literary news, games, links to small business and more!
Speaking LITerally podcast! Our monthly misadventures into all things literary. Separated by the Atlantic, Liz and I come together in our love of reading!!! Find us wherever you listen to your other favorite podcasts! Click here to find us on iHeartRadio!
Check out my bookish blog: The Bookshelf
Loved this commentary as always, and that taco looked so delicious. Sad to see no appearance by the purple pants guy
That Greg DeMarco fella is plenty lucky.